Sheffield Hash House Harriers

The one with all the name calling.

The time had come around again, the annual festive fancy dress hash was upon us, this year’s organisation was provided by Soggy Bottom (complex details / technical direction / adding up) and Sticky Shaft (Showboating). The hare was a bit more organised this year, even if he does say so himself, and managed to set a reasonable length trail and be back at the Tap in time for guests arriving. He was soon joined by Shunter who was handing out shot sized bottles of Henderson’s relish, apparently to make up for the lack of investment in his costume.

The Tap - 𝄞Where it began...

Next on the scene was MBM who was creatively dressed as the Hunch Back of Notre Dame, thereafter came Little Smittie as a Hibs fan, then came many more, there were Hippies, Honey Bees, Harry Potter Fans, Handy men and women, Hardmoors finishers, Hawks, Holly Bushes, Holy Crappers, Hannahs, Hannah’s, Harry Hills and Harry Hill’s, Characters from ancient civilisations, more Henderson’s relish, Hs, Hoorah Henrys, Captain Birdseyes ???, and of course…a Horse, basically anything beginning with H, numbering twenty five of us in total (twenty eight on a morning after recount).

There was a certain eagerness to the evening, Prof and MBM were desperate to sample the other pubs and were first out of the traps, Mincer was keen to keep good time and encouraged the hare to say something…anything, so at 7:36pm we were on.

HBOND

Oh neigh, not him again!

A dangerous brush by the Rutland Arms probably led some to an unsanctioned hash stop, but for rest of the rule abiding hashers the first stop was the Lord Nelson, albeit by different routes. This was a first visit for many of us. The locals, enthralled by the night’s football seemed to roll their eyes as we piled in, but there were separate rooms for separate belief systems and we soon found ourselves some space. A shout out to the bar staff who took great care of us!!!

The Lord Nelson - Snug View

The Lord Nelson - Tap Room View

Next stop was the Club House on London Road, a pre visit by the hare had established that the was one member of staff which could have seriously jeopardised our schedule, Mincer shuddered, however upon arrival the waitress had managed to press gang another member of staff in to work and calm was restored. By this time we had picked up the straddlers, namely Pingu, Fishbait and Spiv. Given our number and the space this pub was an ideal photo opportunity and Soggy Bottom managed to rope in a local, who was thus far minding his own business, to immortalise our evening. The Club House was one to remember, not only for the startled locals but also the reasonably priced drinks.

HHHCBHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Three pubs in, roughly on schedule we exited and headed up cemetery road for the traily bit of the evening. Shrimper, aka Hendo’s 2, needed an alternative route due to recent foot surgery which will prevent him setting until at least April (noted in the diary). He was offered a short cut through Waitrose but opted to join us for the cemetery bit. By the time the hare / sweeper upper arrived the main party were gathered around a burial plot. Now we’ve been complained about before for flouring in anti flour neighbourhoods, but desecrating a grave could take things to a whole new level, the council may have to fill in a form this time. Fortunately the group were just being given a history lesson by Spiv, the internee was a veteran of the Waterloo battle no less.

Knowledge top up complete we headed through the graveyard to the next pub; The Ecclesall Ale Club, the ship took some steering at this point as a right turn would have led us to the restaurant but the pub required some left leaning (insert political pun at one’s own risk). The doubters were persuaded by that old famous adage , ‘Just one more drink’ and so it was that the pub crawl leg of the evening drew to a close. Well oiled (some of us) and hungry we turned right (politics, anyone?) to the Prithiraj Curry house, a favourite of Dan Walker and the Hashers.

25 Tikka Masalas and 50 Pints please!!

Once seated, refreshed and food orders completed we entered into a period which shall forever be known as ‘The Lull’. The Lull proved a perfect opportunity to catch up on admin and right some wrongs. Thanks were given, a ‘State of Hash’ address was performed then it was on to individual humiliations:

First up was Janna who had been partially named Spandex, she will henceforth and forever more be named Spandex Ballet

Second on the list was Miss Rigby, previously named H2O, which lacked a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’ who copped for H2-Ooooh!.

We then moved on to Little Smittie, who inspired a creative coup with his post-Hash footwear and will from now on forever be known as Hotel Shoes.

Proving our flexibility as an organisation we then performed a couples’ naming, Hannah of Antarctic became Biggles, Chris of H. of A. became 'Moist Cleft' which allowed him automatic membership to the club of self-pitying horribly named Hashers.

Finally in what proved to be a wonderful own goal and great Hash exploitation, Jodie of Yorkshire, keen geologist, now possibly not so keen hasher was named Cumming-Tonite. I feel that a lot of us learnt something new from this naming, but that the namee only gave away.

He's got the mineral!

And so it was all over bar the complex adding up of the bill, over to Soggy Bottom. Another great Christmas Hash, a fantastic turnout and wonderful creativity of costumes…at least by some.

Merry Christmas and the rest…

On On,

Sticky Shaft

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